Little Wins Big Victory
The Blog
Expectations vs Reality
It’s been awhile! I have been looking forward to hitting the unpause button for some time now, and am finally in a position to do so. When I first started this blog, I knew I always wanted to keep up with it, but only when I had the time and right words on my heart and mind. The last 6 months have been a whirlwind of highs and lows, successes and failures, and everything in between. I made it through an entire season of college basketball with no injuries, and if you know my story, you know how exciting that is for me! Although it was my 3rd year on the team, I felt like a freshman again, which is technically what I am according to my roster bio:) With that, we’ll start back up again with a little recap of the last 6 months, and talk all things “expectations vs reality.”
My first blog post was all about the meaning behind “little wins big victory.” This past basketball season really tested those values, and I’ll be the first to tell you I didn’t always succeed in that, just ask my coaches and teammates. I wasn’t listening to my own advice on focusing on the little wins. The pressure I put on myself was drowning me. I’ve had to reminded myself that it’s forever going to be a work in progress, and there’s always going to be circumstances in life that will test our values and beliefs. These past season was one of those circumstances. If our values were never challenged, how would we know what they are? Every single thing we do in life is a path of small wins and losses. When we lose track of those along the way, and are constantly looking at the bigger picture- the end goal, we might get lost in a storm of negative and deflating thoughts. It might take you out completely. It’s like running a marathon. If all you’re thinking about is the finish line, and what you might do to celebrate, you won’t make it past the first few miles. If you forget to grab water or a snack, you will run out of energy and there will be nothing to celebrate. Playing a team sport can make that even more challenging. There’s constantly competition, and a wide variety of personalities, attitudes, and levels of passion. You’re not going to win a game without making sure all the pieces work together well. When one piece is out of line, it effects the entire group. I’ll say it again: little things are the most important thing to focus on in life.
picture credits- https://www.xciicreative.com/BSU-WBB/MN-Crookston-120223
I had huge goals and expectations for myself this past season. All I wanted was to get back to my “old self.” However, my team wasn’t super successful, I wasn’t putting up the stats I thought I was capable of, and I was SO hard on myself for it. It was all I thought about every single day. All of the “what ifs” and “could have beens” took over. I kept wondering “maybe those people were right, I’ll never be the same athlete I used to be.” I was choosing to not acknowledge the fact that I had come back from a torn achilles. I earned a starting spot on a Division II college basketball team after not playing in a game for nearly 2 years. Forget about sports, I was able to walk around and live my life without any pain in my foot. Medicine is incredible and I would be bed bound without it. I’m sitting here writing this thinking “how could I let myself get so caught up in the negativity when I had everything I’ve prayed for for the last few years. In the moment, I was feeling so much pressure that I was didn’t even realize how negatively focused I had become. It’s not always going to be easy to see the little wins in a storm, especially when you don’t even realize you’re caught in a storm. The lesson is found after the fact by looking back and using it to better yourself for the next time you find yourself in a rut. That intentional mindset of giving yourself grace in a storm is my challenge for everyone reading this, including myself for this next season of life, work, relationships, or whatever you’re passionate about.
picture credits- https://www.xciicreative.com/BSU-WBB/MN-Crookston-120223
Throughout the season, I still loved basketball every single day. It was always my outlet and something I had so much joy being a part of. I loved having a team and coaches to show up for every single day, but I wasn’t showing up for myself in the way that I needed to. I told myself “I’ve been through an athlete’s worst nightmare, nothing will ever put me down again.” My expectation was that I was never allowed to have a bad day in the gym, or be upset about something regarding basketball. I needed to be thankful, right? I actually am healthy and playing the sport I worked so hard to return to, so nothing else will ever be hard. Sure, it sounds obviously false when you read it, but that was the exact thing my brain was telling me. I had completely unrealistic expectations that put me in a super low place. It left me with 0 confidence or pride. The second something didn’t go my way, I put so much pressure on myself to fix it because I felt so guilty feeling upset about it. All that was doing to me was causing me to perform even worse, leaving me in a never ending cycle.
picture credits- https://www.xciicreative.com/BSU-WBB/MN-Crookston-120223
After spending alot of the season in a rut, I finally realized and accepted that just because I had completed something that was really hard didn’t mean I was automatically going to be happy, healed and “normal.” My comeback involved so much more than the doctors signing a paper that cleared me. It was relearning how to work with a team again. It was getting back into shape after not playing a basketball game for 2 years. It was mentally being strong enough to keep pushing through when things got hard. Most importantly, it was creating a NEW best version of myself in a basketball setting. All of those things on top of an already tough season WAS something that was allowed to put me down. Things are allowed to put us down and make us upset, but we have to be able to learn and bounce back. Perhaps the most important thing I took away from this season was that getting back to my “old self” never really was the end goal, because that is an impossible goal. Given what I’ve been through, all I can do is control what is possible to control, and use it to find that new self. A new self that could be even better than before. Nobody is putting the pressure on me to find who I was before I got hurt but myself, which is so unrealistic. Realizing that has given me so much peace and excitement for these last few years of college.
In the end, all of our realities are defined in God’s plan for our lives. There should be no reason to be so hard on ourselves, and be upset over not meeting earthly expectations. God cares more about our relationship with Him above all else, and that so easily can be forgotten. Jesus loves you even in your deepest rut, and don’t ever forget it:) I’m so excited for another summer of writing and as always, I would love to hear from anyone who has anything on their heart to share.
Give Yourself a Break
You may have noticed it’s been awhile since we’ve been here, but I’m glad to have you back. I recently started my Junior year of college, as well as my redshirt freshman season of basketball, and let me tell you it has been keeping me busy. I love the grind of being a college athlete, but I’ve also learned a very valuable lesson this year. If you’re anything like me, taking a break can feel like anything BUT a break sometimes. Or maybe, it may seem like there’s no possible way to even try to take a break. Ironically, I’m writing this on one of the first days I’ve had in a long time that I have nothing on the calendar. It’s a Tuesday, and I have no class or basketball obligations to attend, and my name isn’t on the work schedule. Yet, it’s days like this I used to wake up feeling more anxious than I would on a day stacked completely full. All I could think about is what’s next. I had so much time to stress about “tomorrow,” that I wasn’t taking advantage of the time to relax. My head would be consumed with “How is practice going to go, what time I need to set my alarm, what homework I will need to work on, do I need to pack food for the day?” The list could go on and on. It's a cycle that would have never ended if I didn’t figure out a new way to train my brain to let days off help me. If I’m not intentional about stopping that jumble of thoughts that take turns stressing me out, I might as well go run 5 miles, or take a big exam. Mental breaks are just as, if not MORE important than physical ones. Believe me, this has not been easy to learn, but I am so much better off. My hope is that you leave here in a few minutes feeling encouraged to give yourself some space, be present, and take more breaks so that you can be at your best.
Life throws a lot at us that requires our full attention, and best efforts. Instinctively, I think most people put themselves at the end of the line. It can be a blessing and a curse to live so unselfishly, but sometimes you need to be a little selfish, to be able to fully live up to that reputation. There are so many things that are out of our control, but also so many things that are, and controlling the controllables will make a difference in your life. For example, each week we have at least 1 day off from basketball because of NCAA rules. Earlier this year, my mindset was “an off day of basketball means I can work.” I don’t need to be working during the school year, but my job is flexible and fun, so I like to stay involved there. As nice as it is to have an opportunity to make money, I was doing more harm than good by filling up my off day with work. This was something I COULD control in my schedule, and needed to start doing. Just because I have no external obligations, doesn’t mean I’m free. For me, off days look different every week, but that’s the best thing about it. Maybe it’s a bike ride, a deep clean of the house, or a few movies and snacks on the couch. I try my hardest to not think about anything in the past or future, instead, let myself fully enjoy whatever I’m engaged in. It has become such a healthy, refreshing part of my week, and at the end of the day, I’m ready and excited to return to my normal routine. I understand that not every person’s life makes it possible to do this, but even just an hour on a random day of the week to do something that’s only for you could be so rejuvenating. I encourage you to spend at least 1 hour over the next few days, that is only for you. Don’t think about anything else, take a break from that, and see how you feel.
This past summer I was listening to a podcast about “burnout,” specifically burnout among female college athletes. It was a very eye opening episode for me, and taught me that I was almost always experiencing some type of burnout the way I was living my life. When I first heard the word burnout, I thought it meant losing interest in something, or getting sick of what was once loved. Wrong. Burnout has nothing to do with the specific hobby or “passion,” but everything to do with the individual not getting proper rest. It’s when we aren’t able to be at our best because we are trying to be, and give 100% all the time, with no recharge button. We aren’t giving ourselves the chance to refill the cup. If you’re thinking “wow this is me,” I promise you’re not the only one, and there is such an easy fix. My favorite example is something I did way back in elementary school. My mom taught me in 3rd and 4th grade and had us do “brain breaks.” It literally was just a simple activity, like jumping jacks, to pause the work we were doing in the classroom. As a young adult, this sometimes looks like leaving 10 minutes earlier than normal so I can walk to practice instead of drive. I love calling my grandparents in between homework assignments so I get my mind on something else for a few minutes. It might not always be possible, but the less you have to go from one thing to another in a rush, the more present you’re going to be able to feel, and the more you will enjoy what you’ve been looking forward to.
My dad always used the quote “100% effort 100% of the time” when he coached his teams. I still love and agree with this quote that hangs in our basement, but this topic made me realize that there’s way more that goes into that quote than than just having that mentality. It takes work, and sometimes being a little selfish. Challenge yourself to find this balance, even if it means saving no to someone, going off the grid for an hour or two. Whatever you need to do to live your life to the fullest, and give it your all. Through it all, take breaks and recharge yourself so that you CAN give 100% effort 100% of the time.
Be Humbly Confident
As a lot of you know, I recently surpassed the one year anniversary of rupturing my achilles. Those of you who have followed that journey know that I went through a lot of lows over the last year, and that the rehab was a grind. When going through trials like this in my life, I’ve found that I think the deepest, and really look at myself with a different perspective. My brain was constantly going against itself, second guessing every move I made because everything was so hard. The reason I’m able to write this blog is because of those trials, deep thoughts and realizations about myself and my life. I know what got me through it, what worked and what didn’t work. Today, I want to talk about something that I’ve more recently realized was the most important part of getting myself to the finish line of last year. Last spring in my “wrap up” meeting with my coaches, the biggest thing I was encouraged to do was find a way to be confident, and not be so hard on myself. Obviously aside from the physical aspect of getting back into basketball shape, this was the most challenging part of my comeback. I have grown up taking a lot of pride in being humble, but believe it or not this was holding me back. That sounds crazy, but keep reading, and I promise you’ll leave with a whole new knowledge of what it means to be humbly confident.
I shared a quote on the Little Wins Big Victory instagram last week that said “Confidence isn’t walking into a room and thinking you are better than everyone. It’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.”(via @the.sattva.life instagram). I read this and my jaw literally hit the floor. It’s so good! It’s exactly what I’d been struggling with but I just couldn’t put it into words. I’ve talked about finding balance in almost every one of my posts so far, and I’m going to bring it up again. I’ve known athletes and had teammates who take their confidence to an extreme and can be very hard to handle. These people seem to have everything down, and are very successful, but sometimes come off as arrogant, or give off an “I’m better than everyone” type of vibe. Then there’s the complete opposite. The athlete who works hard, and does everything right behind the scenes, but really struggles when forced to do it in front of an audience or even their own team. They can’t let go of things that may not have gone well, and stress about the next practice or game 24/7. I lean more towards that second athlete. I am so guilty of comparing myself to everyone, and letting it dictate my mindset. I’m a people pleaser who wants to keep everyone happy, even if it means giving up my own happiness sometimes, and am hesitant to do things to their full potential. The balance is being confident without involving anyone else, and believing in yourself in a humble way. When I realized how much this was affecting me on the court, everything changed for the better.
“Confidence isn’t walking into a room and thinking you are better than everyone. It’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.”
About a week ago we had our first preseason practice, and my emotions were running so high. It was the first preseason practice last year that my injury occurred, so I definitely had that in the back of my mind. I was so anxious all morning, I couldn’t sit still, and practice time couldn’t come soon enough. I didn’t even know if what I was feeling was excitement, nerves, or stress. One thing I did know is that I was lacking confidence, and expecting a bad practice. Over summer, I had done all the work to prepare for that moment. I was feeling physically great and had no reason to doubt myself, but there I was sitting in my final class last Monday completely second guessing everything, and not thinking I was good enough. If you know anything about the mental aspect of sports, you know I had already set myself up for a bad practice that day with that mindset. Coaches, mental health professionals and teachers preach all the time how important confidence is when doing anything in life. I never really felt the need to work on it because I never thought I needed more confidence. Confidence to me was saying things like “I’m going to score 30 points tonight,” or “I’m a great basketball player.” Those are really basic examples, but I thought confidence was a basic thing. I wanted to be humble and not draw attention to myself in that way. I associated confidence with being cocky, which is so not the truth. Go back and read that quote again. THAT is confidence. The ability to be proud of yourself and be where your feet are regardless of what everyone else thinks or does. This was the most evident for me last spring when I was just getting back into practice after my injury. I was beating myself up over an off day when I literally hadn’t played basketball in a year and everyone else had been playing for the last 9 months straight. I walked into the gym and compared myself to my teammates instead of being proud of myself for even being able to step foot in the gym.
Fast forward two days after my first practice. I calmed down about basketball, and was feeling good leading up to practice. Ironically, the class I have right before practice is called “sport psychology” and that day we were talking about stress and performance anxiety. I don’t know what caused the change in my brain, but I went into that practice with confidence and a belief in myself. I wanted to have fun, because that’s the point in sports, right? That practice, everything seemed better, I played well, and I felt like my old self. It felt like a breath of fresh air. Simply because I believed in myself and stopped thinking about others. This confidence had nothing to do with any specific goal or practical task. It had everything to do with waking up that day and only focusing on my goals, and believing that I have what it takes to win the day.
Sports rely so much on having a good mindset which involves so many different feelings and thoughts. So often we let our emotions get in the way of our full potential. It IS possible to be confident while keeping a humble attitude. And it IS possible to get through those moments where self-doubt is all that’s in your head. It’s always going to be a work in progress and never perfect, but if you’re confident in what you do, and believe in yourself, that’s already a win.
Motivation
Do you ever find yourself in a season of wanting nothing more than to do the bare minimum? Homework gets put off until the very last minute. Working out becomes more and more occasional. Your bed might have become your best friend while piles of laundry sit on your bedroom floor. (I’m currently guilty of that one). “Motivation” is a word that gets tossed around often, but not always dealt with. How many times have you heard or said the phrase “I just have no motivation to do anything.”? I think it’s safe to say every person on the planet has said something along the lines of that, including me. The truth is, we’re all going to go through days or even weeks feeling these lows. The real challenge is finding a way out of the funk, and today I’m hoping to give you a few tips I believe are helpful, and maybe even motivate you to get that small, yet daunting thing done today.
Motivation can be talked about in two different perspectives: long term and short term. Long term motivation is a goal you’re working towards, or a place you want to be in life, months or years down the line. For example, I made a goal for myself when I tore my achilles last year to be in better shape by this August, than I was at the time of the injury. This would be far from easy and test my motivation. Nobody was forcing me to work hard and chase that goal, but I want so badly to be able to step on the court in August and prove to myself, and everyone else that I did a really hard thing. I’ve needed to stay motivated for a long period of time, and push myself even when I didn’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, throughout the last year I have taken plenty of days off, and there were times I caved to those low and “I have no motivation to do anything” type of days. The key is not letting those days pile up and become consistent. Days off are a good thing, and completely necessary when chasing a goal, but a little uncomfortable push is healthy too. Don’t be afraid of challenging yourself to keep going when you don’t want to. Finding the balance is tough, but it’s possible.
This circles back to the inspiration behind the name of my blog. Working towards a large goal isn’t possible without the little steps needed to get there. These little steps are great motivators! Chasing something big isn’t going to happen overnight, and you need to be patient with yourself and be sure to take things one day, and “little win” at a time. Maybe your goal is to get a grade up in a specific class. One assignment probably won’t do it, but keeping up the hard work and good study habits the rest of the semester might. I promise you will become so much more confident in yourself, and motivated to keep going when you take this approach. The worst thing you can do is work really hard for something for a week, not see any progress, and say “well, I tried, it didn’t work.” It’s a process, and that’s what will test you the most when it comes to your motivation to keep going towards that big goal.
Short term motivation is those days where the alarm goes off all you want to do is call in sick, or cancel your plans. This is the most dangerous cycle to fall into because one day so easily turns into more. From what I’ve experienced, I am full of guilt and regret when I don't accomplish things I hoped to. My life lately has consisted of 7am weights and conditioning five days a week. It’s not mandatory, and it’s so easy to turn the alarm off and go back to bed. I was only guilty of this one morning, and let me tell you it was the most unproductive day of my summer. I felt so annoyed at myself at the end of the day because I knew that if I had just gotten up and stuck to my routine I would have felt better and had a great day. A lot of times, when we’re laying in bed or on the couch dreading a full day ahead of us, just getting there is the hardest part. Remind yourself that once you're there, you’ll be so thankful you got yourself to do it, and if you don’t you'll regret it.
I don’t want this to get confused with your mind or body needing a break, because I know how important this is too. A suggestion I have is before you even think about your day, get up and do something for yourself that you enjoy, even if it’s super small. I always make sure to sit in a different room, eat breakfast, drink a bublr, and listen to music. This way, I’m in a different head space, more awake, and can make a better decision on how I approach my day. It also gives me that little push in the direction of staying on track for my goals. Whatever it is, if you do it every morning, the rest of your day will feel natural and normal, and you’ll find that it doesn’t take motivation to get you there.
You may have noticed I talk alot about routines, and keeping your days consistent. I strongly believe that so many different aspects of our lives are determined by the consistencies in our lives, both good and bad. It’s something to really take a look at and ask yourself what you're consistently good or bad at. Motivation comes from yourself, and it’s not just something you find at the surface. It takes work to be able to figure out what you want, and how to get there. Motivation is one thing that stands between you and your goals, and what you do with that is completely up to you.
“Use Your Time Wisely!” College Athlete Edition
“That time of year” is just around the corner. The start of a new school year, or maybe a whole new chapter. It’s probably the most stressful, yet exciting weeks of the year, and maybe the most busy and overwhelming for some. But let’s be real, is there ever a time in our lives that’s truly slow and relaxing? If you’re like my family, there was rarely a night all 5 of us ate dinner at the same time. Between practices, meetings, and work schedules, it was always “that time of year” for us. But that’s how we rolled, and for the most part I loved it. This chaotic lifestyle can make it really hard to find time for the important things in life: Jesus, family, friends, school. 8:00AM games on Sundays would prevent us from getting to church, or long nights of high school sporting events made it tough to find time to do daily math assignments. The things we sacrifice for sports might seem crazy to the average person, but to me it’s always been worth it, not necessarily easy, but worth it. Being able to wisely manage time has been key to staying on top of all the different schedules I’ve had. Over the years I’ve learned many things along the lines of time management, which has guided me through my first 2 years of college. Through this blog, I hope I can share some tips, give some ideas, but really just encourage you to reflect on your life, your priorities, and the way you spend your time, especially as a college athlete.
find a routine!
A typical day in my life during the school year consists of waking up, eating breakfast, going to class, getting some shots up if I have time, lunch, practice, lift, dinner, sometimes work, and fitting in homework wherever I can. Reading that off sounds intimidating, but I honestly haven’t had a semester yet where I’ve felt overwhelmed. I’d love to say there’s one or two specific skills I use to stay on top of things as a college athlete, but honestly I just take things one semester at a time, and stick to a routine. My biggest mistake in all of college so far has been taking an 8am class 3 days a week my first semester of freshman year (and even worse it was yoga). I hated the routine I was in and I found it so hard to find motivation to get anything done. I figured out that I am most productive in the morning before I go to class or practice, and that wasn’t happening when my alarm would go off at 7am and I’d sit at a desk for 3 hours half asleep. Having a class schedule that doesn’t start until 10am allows me to wake up when my body wants, but still have an hour or two to get a few things done, and be completely ready for the day. Even something as simple as getting out of bed and making a good breakfast while watching an episode of my favorite show helps me get in the right mindset to attack the day. Rolling out of bed a few minutes before I have to be somewhere has never worked for me. Every single person is different but what I’m trying to say is find a schedule that helps you be the most productive and healthy version of yourself. Maybe you’re a night owl and you get the most done after everyone else is asleep. Or maybe you’re an early bird who likes to hit the gym before sunrise and immediately start accomplishing things. Whatever it is, keep it consistent, and know what works best for you, don’t just “wing it” everyday and hope it works out.
relax and unwind
I was listening to a podcast a few weeks ago about burnout among athletes and the girl speaking gave some advice that really stuck with me. So often in our lives we completely book our schedules and try to max out every second of every day with plans or commitments. As athletes we feel the constant need to be on the go. Her suggestion was to never schedule two things without a break in between. If you’re on your way to the next event on your schedule stressing about a red light delaying you 30 more seconds, you need to slow down and figure out a way to avoid that anxiety. It’s not healthy or enjoyable to constantly be late or in a rush. If possible, try to plan your class schedule in a way that avoids anything an hour before practice. After class, let yourself eat a good lunch and let your body and mind unwind. Take your time getting to practice. After practice go home and shower, sit down for a bit. It’s so easy to sacrifice your free time when you could be getting things accomplished, but you’re not going to be able to give it your all and be happy doing it when you’re overwhelmed. Time to relax and unwind is more necessary than we realize, and can go such a long way in not becoming burnt out.
family and friends
Something that sets aside college athletes from the normal student is the amount of time you are able to spend at home. Obviously everyone’s situation is different, but if you’re anything over a few hours away, it’s tough to make a trip home aside from breaks and holidays. Today’s society makes it incredibly easy to stay connected with those I love back home, as long as I’m intentional and make the time for it. Facetime and social media make me feel like I haven’t missed a beat in my sisters’ and little cousins’ lives. A lot of people hate on social media and say it’s a negative piece of society but I wouldn’t be able to handle being away from home without it. Keeping in touch with my friends from home, constantly sending snapchat memories back and forth is a super fun way to keep us connectedI look forward to the 1-2 Facetime calls a week with my grandparents. It’s a great time for me to take a break from everything I’m doing and just talk about the current events of both of our lives, and thank my grandma for the weekly mail she sends me. She’s hardly missed a week of keeping my mailbox full since I left for college, and keeps me stocked with Starbucks cards:) . Leaving home and the people you grew up with is challenging, but the people who love and care about you the most will want to stay close to you, so I encourage you to make time for those people because in reality, they’re probably a huge reason you are where you are.
time with Jesus
The final piece of this topic is the most important one. Keeping a strong Faith in Jesus is being tested more than ever when you begin college. Coming from a Lutheran school, it was a new lifestyle, a new group of people all from different backgrounds, and I didn’t have as much pointing me to Jesus. In high school, if we missed a Sunday church service it didn’t feel like a big deal because I had religion class and chapel five days a week. Nowadays, without church on Sunday, I risk going over a week without setting aside time for God. I struggled a lot with this my freshman year. I didn’t have a car at school so that was my excuse for not going to church, when I could have easily found a ride. I told myself I would watch a service online, but it’s even harder to make time for that when you’re in a dorm room full of distractions. I now have made it a part of my weekly routine to get to church, and it’s something I really encourage college students to make a priority. I love being able to do it for myself, and it’s a perfect transition from week to week. I have a job that allows me to work with people who have special needs, and bring them places, so I try to work on Sunday mornings so I can bring a few of them with me to church. They love it and it just fills my cup to be able to see them there while also growing my faith.
Another hobby I’ve picked up over the last few months is listening to faith-based podcasts. It’s crazy the specific topics you can find out there, that can hit on whatever you want to hear. If you would like any recommendations send me a message I’d love to give you a list!
Moving away from home means it’s up to you how much time you spend with Jesus, and there’s no better way to do that than find a community of people to go through that journey with. It might already exist, or maybe it’s time for you to be bold and reach out to someone first. I came into a basketball program who was super strong in their faith, and we even had team Bible studies my Freshman year. It is a goal of mine this year to try and get our team back to that this season. Maybe your group is your campus’ FCA program, or people from your church. Whoever they are, hold each other accountable and check in on those friends and their faith.
This whole post has been just a jumble of my thoughts over the last few weeks about what I feel has helped me use my time wisely so far as a college athlete. I think it’s really valuable for those especially heading to college. Freshman year is tough to figure out, and it can be a challenge to continue being who you are. Just a few small tools can help point you in the right direction of keeping your priorities in line. Every person is so different and that’s why I really hope those who read this will feel encouraged to find what works for you, so that you can be the best version of yourself. I know college is important, and all the commitments a college athlete has isn’t optional, but I promise you there is a way to still prioritize yourself, your family, and most importantly your Faith.
5 Things To Do As An Injured Athlete
Through the last few years, I’ve had a few people ask me why I keep putting myself through so much just for a sport. I never really take offense to that question, but it does make me think about the answer. Why have I kept going after four major injuries? I did it because to me it was worth it, and I was able to use those years in my life to make myself better. In those moments, I didn’t always feel like I was getting better, but so many aspects of my life were improved during the struggle. I did a little brainstorming this week to give you some of the ways I was able to make light of the darkness of being an injured athlete. I probably could have made a longer list, but these 5 things all seemed to outweigh the rest. They’re little things, but without them, I don’t know if I would have kept going.
one: start a journal
There’s something about putting my thoughts down on paper that has always eased my mind when there’s a lot going on. There’s a few different ways I’ve used journaling to help me through injuries over the last few years, especially since I started college. I’ve used this hobby a few different ways, and that’s what I love about it: there’s no rules, just a way to put literally anything on paper, and have it be just for me. Sometimes, I simply documented my day so I could see my progress over time, and have something to look back on when I felt down. Some days, I would write down 5 different goals to help me remember what I wanted, and motivate myself to keep pushing. Two of them had to be about rehab and the athletic part of my life, two of them were to be about something else I wanted to improve on in life, and the last goal I would write would be something I wanted to focus on the next day. These are just a few examples of different pages I’ve journaled, but honestly it has been my favorite way to decompress at night, especially recently. On the good days too! Sometimes it turns into a prayer, or a list of things I’m thankful for. It’s such a good way to stay in tune with yourself, and force yourself to make time to reflect, relax, and rejuvenate.
two: make rehab your sport
I can speak from experience that this mindset made rehab much more enjoyable. My first physical therapist told me “make rehab your new sport.” I didn’t really think much of her advice because in my head, rehab was something I had to do on my own time, and had nothing to do with my sport. I was wrong! The whole point of rehab is to prepare you for when the time comes to step on the court or field again. I started making workouts that included my rehab exercises. I would pair each rehab exercise with an upper body exercise and go back and forth between sets. I would forget I was doing rehab, and also felt like I was getting a good workout in. It was such a little adjustment, but it made me appreciate what I was able to do, and forced me to get creative!
three: find a way to help your team
This seems like a really broad piece of advice, but I want to try and encourage an athlete going through an injury to really be intentional about finding things to do even when you can’t physically help your team. I’m not talking about giving high fives or screaming on the bench (that’s great too). Talk with your coaches and figure out something that you can do to help them out to benefit the team. For me, this was watching film, run the clock at practice, help run drills, and even be in charge of coach’s clip board during games:) It will give you something to look forward to, and be held accountable for, and quite honestly your coaches will probably appreciate the extra help. If you’re a coach reading this, ask your injured athletes what they would feel comfortable doing, and how involved they want to be. I remember at first not knowing what to do everyday, or what my coaches wanted from me. All it took was one conversation and a few ideas to get me excited for the new role I was in. I’m super thankful my coaches were always willing to help me find things to do and made sure I felt valued, and had these conversations with me.
four: enjoy other workouts
Being a college athlete, my workouts have always been intense, fast paced, and difficult. Going through an injury means scaling back or maybe completely pausing physical activity. Sometimes I forget that working out doesn’t have to be a grueling lift or running sprints. If your injury allows it, hop on a bike, take a walk, or get in the pool. Turn on a core workout video in your living room, or go to a yoga class. Find some sort of exercise that you enjoy, and maybe don’t always have time or energy to do. It’s good for both the body and mind, and you may find a new hobby for when you’re no longer an athlete:) Swimming was my best friend during my achilles recovery. I was fortunate enough to have a basketball coach with a swimming background, and she would come to the pool with me twice a week and put me through workouts. Swimming is probably something I would never have tried, but it was all I was allowed to do for cardio for a while. I loved it and now use it as a workout every week!
five: take care of body
This is the topic I struggled the most with through my experiences with injuries. My brain always made me think that a less intense workout schedule meant I needed to eat less. This led to really struggling with what I looked like, and a lot of questions about nutrition. I was reminded that when your body is healing, it’s going through alot, and needs to be fueled just as much as when you're in full swing of your sport. It’s not about how much, but what you’re putting in your body that makes a difference. Sleep is also so important in the recovery process, and should something you prioritize while recovering from an injury. There’s not a lot you can control when you’re injured, but nutrition and sleep is something you can. One final thought is that every person is different. I’m super guilty of comparing myself to others, and getting stuck in the “social media is the standard” mindset. Every athlete’s injury is different, and should be treated differently. Be easy on yourself and take the time to figure out what your body needs.
My Story
I can remember back to my Freshman year of high school when it really hit me that I had a God-given talent to excel in sports. I realized that my love and passion for being on the court and field might be more than just a hobby, or something to keep me active. My whole life prior to that, I simply played sports because I loved them, and it was fun to me. There was never any pressure, and I was bored on a night I had no practice. I thrived off of that busy schedule and nonstop athletic calendars controlling my life. There were days where I would go from a volleyball contact day, to softball practice to summer league basketball. In between that I probably spent a few hours on my bike exploring the country roads near my house. To this day, I have a hard time relaxing in my free time because I always feel like something could be done. I wouldn’t change a thing about those early years in my athletic career, and often wish I could go back to those “simpler times.” The times where the biggest tragedy in my life was only bringing 1 basketball shoe to an AAU tournament all the way in Green Bay (I’m sure my mom remembers that one:). Strikeouts and turnovers seemed like the end of the world, and I’ll admit, I was the kid who would cry after a tough loss in middle school. Don’t worry, I’ve grown since then, and now handle adversity much better! I don’t want this blog to be all about me, but I feel like I wouldn’t be here without my story. This post is going to be a little different, and lengthy, but to be completely honest with you, I wanted to write this so I have it for myself as a reminder of my journey and what I’ve come back from.
2018
My freshman year of high school was honestly a dream. I was fortunate enough to make the varsity basketball and softball squads and could feel myself getting better and more confident. That winter, it hit me that college basketball was potentially in my future. It excited me, and motivated me to work even harder to get to that point. That changed in the blink of an eye.
The summer following my freshman year I was playing shortstop in a softball tournament and was sprinting to second to cover for a steal. The throw beat the runner by a mile so I put the tag on the girl kind of awkwardly, and heard a loud crack. Instantly, a throbbing pain took over. I took my glove off and what I saw made me queasy. My thumb was completely facing the wrong way and there was a huge lump on the bottom. We went straight to the doctor who very quickly confirmed it was a break and I needed to see a specialist. Three days later I was being prepped for surgery and had 2 pins put in. Who knew a broken thumb would be a 4 month long endeavor involving rehab? Well, that’s what it took to get me back to myself. To this day, that scar is what I get asked the most about, and sometimes I forget it even happened because now it seems so subtle.
I got cleared in the middle of volleyball season sophomore year. I was feeling good and relieved that I had made it through this little setback.I finished out the season and was really just looking ahead to basketball. I felt a little more pressure to perform well because of the interest college coaches were showing. The season started off really strong, I was executing well and our team was a lot of fun. December 4, 2018. The day I first experienced what it was like to feel like everything was falling apart. We were playing a non-conference game and I jumped for a steal off of an inbound and heard the dreaded POP on the landing. They say when you tear your ACL you know in that instant what you did. I can attest to that, the second I realized the pop and pain was in my knee, I knew my ACL was gone. I was a mess more so because of the thoughts in my head than the pain itself. I walked off the court and I couldn’t tell you what happened after that, it’s all a blur. What I do remember is the one thought spiraling in my head- I’m never playing college basketball after this. Little did I know, this was just the beginning.
After an MRI and many doctor visits, it was confirmed I had torn my right ACL and Meniscus. I had surgery right before Christmas, and began the long grind of rehab. ACL recovery has come a long way over the years. I knew of plenty of athletes who had suffered this injury and spent almost a year recovering. My doctor believed I could recover in 6 months, and that’s exactly what I did. I treated rehab as my new sport, and was very dedicated to that process. The 2 trainors I worked with were so incredible and made rehab fun. It was very sport specific, and also challenged me. They also focused a lot on the mental aspect of the recovery which now looking back I realize how important that was. Up until this injury, mental health wasn’t really something I thought a lot about. I want to interrupt the story to say- Check in on the people in your life, especially the ones going through things like injuries or loss or whatever it might be. But also the people who seem to be thriving. I know how hard it can be to admit your struggling and bring it up to someone. A simple “how are you really doing” meant a lot to me from those who supported me in my recovery process. Tough stuff is not meant to go through alone or with a smile on your face, and I’m really thankful I learned that at such a young age, and had people to remind me of that through the years.
2019
Rehab was going as well as could be expected. The worst part about it was the first 2 weeks after surgery when I was stuck in my “makeshift bedroom” aka the living room and had to be helped 24/7. After those first few weeks, I hit every goal and passed every test they threw at me in rehab. Honestly, I’ve never been in better shape than when I was going through those rehab workouts. I was cleared in August, just in time for volleyball season. Volleyball was never my best sport and I went back and forth on whether I wanted to play. I loved it, and loved my teammates and coaches, but didn’t know if it was worth the risk when the upcoming basketball season was super important for recruiting. In the end, I decided I wasn’t going to let basketball and my injury get in the way of my high school experience. I took a lot of pride in being a three-sport athlete, so I decided to play. I was so happy, practices were going well, I had no pain.
I've never been more nervous than I was for our first game. It was against our cross town conference rivals, and the gym was packed. My adrenaline was at an all time high. After the first few points I was finally settling in and getting comfortable. I played outside and finally got my first hitting attempt. I jumped as high as I could, and took a swing at the ball, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground bawling. There it was again-that dreaded POP. But this time, in my other knee. I remember everything so vividly this time around. I was angry. I slammed the floor with my fist, yelling at anyone who tried to touch me. I stood up, trying to refuse help, and walked off the court. When I got to the trainers table I looked at my dad and said “It’s done, I’m never playing college basketball.” There were so many tears, from more than just me and my family.
I was completely devastated but after the initial shock I remember telling myself I needed to be positive and figure out a way through this. I was not ready to give up, and attacked this next setback head on. Obviously there were really hard days, and times I was so mad at the world, but I can honestly say I kept a really good attitude and mindset through those next months. I had my second ACL surgery in September of 2019. I went through the same process, with the same trainors, and had to watch the sport I loved from the sideline for the second year in a row.
2020
Spring 2020 came around and I was set to be cleared in April, just in time for softball season. I hadn’t played since my hand injury so it was a long time coming. About 2 weeks before the season started, the Covid pandemic began. I was hoping and praying that someway, somehow they would figure out a way to allow us to play. Unfortunately, that never happened, and all of spring was spent at my house. I had to do the rest of rehab at home. The other problem was planning to play AAU basketball that summer, and it was probably my last chance at earning a basketball scholarship. In the midst of all the stress and anxiety, It ended up working to my advantage. I was on a team who really put an emphasis on practicing as much as possible, and had a private gym to use when most other facilities were shut down. I was able to play with some incredible talent 3-4 days a week and get my knees and body in the best condition. God had such a plan here because I honestly don’t know if I physically would have been ready for that high level of basketball when the normal AAU season starts. We played in 4 tournaments in July, and it was one of the best summers of my life. My team was extremely talented, full of great people, and coached by one of my biggest role models, retired WNBA star Anna DeForge. I was feeling like myself and things were finally going smoothly.
2021
Through this time I was able to earn multiple basketball scholarships at the Division 2 and NAIA levels. Senior year was approaching with a lot of uncertainty of what it would look like because of Covid. Volleyball season was pushed to spring, school was full of masks and daily temperature tests. But I was happy and feeling good because I had a whole year of finally getting to play ahead of me. A lot of people pitied our class for what we had to go through that year, but we made the most of it and had a great year. We were thankful for what we did have and learned never to take things for granted. Senior year was incredible, and full of success. We won conference in basketball and softball, but most of all I was simply enjoying my time. I even hit a buzzer beater in my first game back:) I had over 2 years taken from me, so I did my best to soak it all in, make memories, and leave it all out there.
Jumping ahead to my college years, I was so beyond excited to get to Bemidji the summer before I moved in. I was nervous, but the excitement overwhelmed that because I was about to begin a road I never thought I’d make it to. My freshman year was full of meeting the best people, working with great coaches, and being a part of one of the best teams I’ve ever been on. I was able to redshirt so I didn’t use a year of eligibility, but still learned as much as possible from the veteran group we had that year. That year flew by in the blink of an eye and before I knew it I was already saying goodbye to my new best friends. I moved home for the summer and was so motivated to work hard and get myself in a position to be a big part of the team the next season. I spent my summer working, and also coaching youth in the area.
2022
August 2022 rolled around sophomore year was around the corner. I moved into my first house with some of my best friends, and was more excited and confident than ever to start basketball. We had a fresh team with a few new faces and a lot of room for people to earn big minutes. Our very first practice was during the first week of school. I was running down the court on a fast break when I tried to stop myself and push off forward. That’s when an athlete’s biggest nightmare happened to me. I turned around to see who was behind me because I was so convinced someone kicked me in the calf. I took a step and collapsed and that’s when it hit me- I had just ruptured my achilles. My teammates and coaches immediately surrounded me as I’m hyperventilating because of the excruciating pain. I could not believe what was happening. The trainers at school confirmed it and I was sent home with crutches in a boot. I didn’t sleep that night, and went to watch 6am practice the next morning. That day was spent in the doctor's office, and waiting for an MRI. I felt so defeated and had absolutely no idea what to expect or what this meant for me. All I knew was that a ruptured achilles has been known to be a career ending injury.
I had to fly home a week later to have surgery, and the next two weeks were two of the worst weeks of my life. I had to move all my classes online to remain eligible, so I had a large workload to focus on aside from what I was going through. I can’t even describe the pain I felt the days after surgery. This was by far the most difficult injury I went through. It tested my strength, my faith, and my attitude. This rehab was also not like the others. There was a lot of pain involved, and risk of retearing it early on, so it was incredibly stressful. People were constantly messaging me, calling me, sending me flowers and cards, but I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I was away from what made me so happy in Bemidji, I couldn't walk for weeks, and I really did not think I would come back from this. I put on a happy face and wanted to be a strong and positive role model for people. I was so depressed and unhappy on the inside and nobody really knew about it. After a few weeks of resting and healing at home, I was finally able to come back to school and be with my team. Nothing against my incredibly supportive family back home, but I needed to be with my team and support system at school. When the season finally came around, I was finally able to walk normally and began doing more active exercises. My coaches would do modified workouts with me, I was given jobs to help out with scouting and film. I felt like I had a purpose even when the 1 thing I had worked so hard for was gone. I kept working through the rehab and supporting my team in whatever way I could each and every day.
2023
Spring arrived and I was given the go to start easing back into practice and workouts but I was still in a great deal of pain. I ended up getting another MRI and found that the screws in my heel had popped out. I had to have 1 final surgery to get them removed. I’m 6 weeks past that surgery and can finally say, I’m feeling close to 100% and have made it through the achilles rehab.
I still play basketball because of how much I enjoy it, if I didn’t I sure wouldn’t have fought through all those injuries to be where I am today. I’m going to write a separate piece on some things I learned through being injured but I want you to leave with this one piece of advice- Make sure that in the midst of the chaos so many of us live in, whether that be a busy schedule, a hard job, or being a student athlete, you take the time to find your support system. I wouldn’t have made it through my last achilles injury without my family, coaches, and teammates. They were able to remind me of the bigger picture and show me I was so much more than a basketball player. Four major injuries, and a world pandemic later, I still am playing basketball at the highest level, with a whole bunch of lessons learned along the way. It wasn’t easy, but the little wins added up, and I’m looking forward to what the final chapter of my life as an athlete looks like.
Little Wins Big Victory: It’s The Little Things
Little Wins Big Victory. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you're curious to know the “what?” or “why?” Well, if I’m being honest, these were the first words that came to mind when I had the itching to start a blog. Multiple people have told me to write a book over the last year, but I think that might be slightly hypocritical because I couldn’t tell you the last time I read a full book. Writing has always been fun to me, so this seemed like a perfect alternative. Writing, and sharing what you write are two very different giants, but I feel that God has given me so much over the years that could help someone else, or even just make someone smile on a hard day. I’m jumping out of my comfort zone and giving it a shot. I came up with the phrase “little wins big victories” from a combination of wisdom and encouragement I’ve received in my life. If you know me, you know my road has been full of bumps and bruises when it comes to being an athlete, and if you don’t, check back next week when I share my story! Before I get to that, I first want to share what these four words mean to me, and how reminding myself of them has gotten me through the best and worst years of my life.
A phrase I grew up hearing at almost every sports practice- “it’s the little things.” That slogan came from the best coach I’ve ever played for. This coach happens to be my dad, so I also heard this when I forgot to turn a light off in the bathroom, or accidentally left the garage open too many times to count (sorry mom and dad). Those forgetful habits seemed so small, but my parents reminded me- little things add up. At first when my dad applied this to sports, I took it very literally. I remember being at a basketball practice in 5th grade, with my new travel basketball team doing the simplest, and seemingly stupid ball handling drills. He explained to us how if we did the little things right and did them consistently, the big things will be easy. If we practiced our ball handling and form shooting every day, it would become “muscle memory” (another one of my dad’s favorite terms.) Early on in my sports career this really motivated me. If I hit wiffle balls off the tee every single day, I’d be hitting homers someday. The older I got, this came full circle both on and off the court. My senior year of high school, my softball and basketball teams went a combined 43-2, and I was named Player of the Year in both sports. It was a group who mostly had grown up being coached by my dad. Obviously, I’m a little biased, but I think that it goes to show that hard work and consistency on “the little things” will all come back to you and reward you in the best ways, no matter how hard the road was.
Fast forward 10 years, I take that advice a little more to heart. Four major injuries and a world pandemic later, I’ve had to focus on the little things, because for a while it was all I thought I had. Sports are just one example, but you can look at anything in life that you're passionate about, and realize that it’s temporary and can be taken away in the blink of an eye. Sports are incredible because there is so much within them that we can carry over to life. You can’t win the conference until you win all the games necessary, and you can’t skip over the “easy teams.” You can’t become a doctor until you complete all the years of schooling and experience required. My point is, don’t wait for the big victories in your life to be your happiest. Celebrate the little wins along the way, no matter how tough or easy they were. If you don’t, you're setting yourself up for a pretty disappointing life, because life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs, hards days and easy days. I had to learn that through some pretty tough years. Sports were taken away from me, and I thought it was all over because what I was most passionate about was gone. I was wrong, and God showed me that He has so much else in store.
Another important person in my life sent me a message a few months ago when I was in a really dark place recovering from an achilles injury. It said “Day by day, and we can’t jump to see what later shows. Day by day fight. For LITTLE gains. It’s not fair. It’s not easy. But we can do hard things.” I read this text over and over again while I was stuck in my bed not able to walk for months. I was definitely going through a really hard thing, but I wasn’t doing it well. I was going through the motions and lost sight of what I really wanted. It took a few months, but I realized that how I felt and dealt with the situation was entirely up to me. I could let myself be miserable, do rehab and just wait the 9 months until my life was “normal again” (and for a while I chose that, but let me be the first to tell you, it was AWFUL. I’ll get more into that in a future post). My other option was to start taking things one day at a time, and begin finding little wins to celebrate and work towards. It made a HUGE difference. I started being thankful for more, and working on the other aspects of my life I’ve never focused on. I was still a student, with a chance to really focus on school without as many basketball obligations. I still had 2 working arms and a weight room. I have amazing friends who I could spend more time with. And I had more time to work on the “little things” like we did in those 5th grade basketball practices. (you’re never too old to work on the fundamentals:) The list could go on but what I’m getting at is this- That one thing in your life that sucks, is all you think about, and seems to be consuming you, is really not the end of the world. It’s not your story, and it’s not the end of you. I promise you CAN get through it. But don’t just go through the motions with a negative attitude. Turn that trial into your new “sport.” It’s a challenge, but with hard work and a good attitude you’ve got it! Especially with Jesus on your side.
Bear with me on this, I’m new to writing blogs, so I hope I didn't bore you too much. I have lots of topics in mind I want to talk about, and stories to share, so check back every week for something new and I can’t wait to see where this goes! Click the button below and let me know what you think:) Go get those Little Wins this week!